| “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” |
| —Proverbs 15:1 |
I am a profoundly impatient person. My impatience gets me into trouble all the time. In my old age, I may have mellowed somewhat. But, I still get really impatient, particularly when people misunderstand me. Then, in my impatience, I all too often give a harsher-than-appropriate answer to someone’s legitimate question. When I do this, I almost immediately feel embarrassment and remorse. But, my behavior never seems to change. Shame on me!
Once in a while, when someone pushes back hard at something I’ve said, another emotional modality within my being kicks into place. I believe that different emotional modality comes to the surface based on memories I have of being relentlessly bullied as a child.
In those instances, I often respond with a quiet gentleness, rather than my usual bombast. And, do you know what? That soft, quiet, gentle speech often diffuses the anger coming at me from the other person. Please let me illustrate:
One day, more than twenty years ago, I had a conversation with a man who chaired a committee that I had joined. We were talking about the cultural norms of the organization that sponsored the committee. As I outlined my observations about those cultural norms, he became very agitated and finally in an angry outburst suggested that, if I didn’t like the way the other members thought, felt, or acted, I should resign from the organization.
The harshness of his words and the angry tone of his voice triggered that different emotional modality I mentioned above. Instead of responding with my usual harshness, I began talking very quietly, almost at a whisper. I heard myself saying soothing words about the positive things I had noted in the organization’s cultural norms. Soon, his anger seemed to dissipate. The conversation ended more pleasantly.
Now, truthfully, this man was justified in his response. After all, he had been a member of this organization for many years and had many close ties with other members. I was making observations that placed some of the cultural norms of the organization in a very negative light. No wonder he jumped to defend the organization about which he felt so fondly.
That my observations were correct didn’t really matter. But, what did matter was that unusual softness—for me—in my answer helped repair the breech I had created.
I believe that this is what King Solomon meant when he penned the words found in Proverbs 15:1:
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
At the beginning of another new day, we can all learn to speak more gently to one another. We can cause angry speech to dissipate when we choose gentle words of response. Gentleness does not indicate a lack of strength, nor does such gentleness negate the passion we may feel about our particular beliefs. Rather, it illustrates that our strength is under proper control. And, that is a very good thing.
Based on a blog originally posted on Thursday, September 6, 2018
