Worth Remembering

 

Pay attention and listen to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach, for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all of them ready on your lips;

—Proverbs 22:17-19

Do you take notes during the sermon in church? No, I didn’t ask if you wrote notes to the person sitting next to you while you’re supposed to be listening to the sermon. I asked if you take notes during the sermon preached as a part of the church service you attend? Well, do you?

When I was a teenager, back in the early 1960s, we had two outward signs of the depth of our new-found “spirituality”: every day in school, we carried our bright red Youth for Christ Bibles on top of our school books and we always, and I mean always, took notes during the sermon in church.

Now this may seem very foreign to you. In fact, you may well be one of the countless thousands, if not tens of thousands, of believers who attend church each week and never bring your own Bible to church with you. Instead, you gladly use the Bible provided in the pew rack in front of you, or in the book rack beneath your chair. You may reason:

“Why bother to carry my own Bible when I can easily use the one provided?”

I applaud your economy regarding what you carry with you to church. But, I could never do it. I have to have my own Bible. Why? Well, it has all my notes in it. Notes I have taken with great care over almost eight decades of sermon listening.

You see, old habits die hard. Having learned as a kid that taking notes helps focus my attention on what the preacher says in his or her sermon, I simply can’t discard the practice.

But, in the last twenty-five years or so, I’ve come up with a new note-taking procedure. I now take notes after the service. That’s right. About two o’clock on a Sunday afternoon, I spend a few moments jotting down the answer to five questions about the morning’s sermon.

1. Subject?
2. Response?
3. How-To?
4. How Long?

And, then, just for good measure, I ask one more question:

5. Key Sentence?

Let me explain a bit. A few hours after hearing a sermon, I ask myself this first question:

What subject did the preacher preach about today?

Let me be clear. I’m not asking, “What Bible text did he or she preach about?” No. I’m asking what subject, topic, or main thrust did the preacher speak about in his or her sermon today.

I then ask myself this second question:

“What response did the preacher ask me to make as a result of hearing his or her sermon?”

In other words, what did the preacher suggest that am I supposed to do in response to the subject he or she preached about today?

I next ask myself this third question:

What suggestions did the preacher give me as to how to respond to his or her sermon?

Having already asked, in Question No. 2, what response the preacher was asking me to make, I now ask what concrete suggestions the preacher gave me as to how I am to respond to the sermon. The second question asks: “What response should I make?” The third question asks: “How do I respond?” This third question is looking for some tried and true suggestions.

For example: if the subject of the sermon was “Showing God’s love to others,” did the pastor give me some concrete steps to take in the week ahead that would prompt me to show love to others. You might call these instructions the “How-Tos.”

For my fourth question, I ask the following:

How long did the preacher suggest it might take before I begin to see results from following his or her advice in today’s sermon?

In other words, as I reflect on the sermon that I heard in church this morning, I am asking myself that if I do what the preacher suggested that I do, will I see immediate results? Will I see results in one week, one month, within a year? The answer to this question will help me know what to expect from my obedient response to the teaching I heard in today’s sermon.

Then, just for good measure, I ask this fifth question:

Can I write, in a single key sentence, the main thrust of today’s sermon and the response I should endeavor to make?

Said another way, can I extract and put into a sentence what the preacher tried to teach me today and how the preacher suggested I should respond? I believe that if I can create such a sentence, then I must have truly heard and understood what the preacher was trying to share with me.

You may wonder what difference my five questions may make to me. Well, I decided long ago that, if I’m going to spend time in church listening to someone share from God’s written Word, I had better remember what the preacher said. In order to remember, I have to have some “hooks” to hang that memory on during the week ahead. Without those “hooks,” I most likely won’t remember what he or she preached about.

You see, I realize that most pastors spend a great deal of time meditating on Scripture, praying, and then writing their sermons. They put a significant effort into crafting a sermon that will communicate the truth of God’s written Word. Since they have spent so much time in my behalf, it behooves me to make certain I listen carefully, understand, and then remember what the pastor said in his or her sermon.

The Psalmist wrote in Psalm 119:11:

I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

Reading this verse makes it seem important that I remember God’s written Word and the teaching and preaching from God’s written Word.

Let me make a suggestion. A few hours after you have listened to the next sermon that you hear, take a few moments to see if you can answer those five questions. Let me review them for you:

1. Subject?
2. Response?
3. How-To?
4. How Long?
5. Key Sentence?

If you can answer these five questions, then you will have gone a long way toward remembering what your preacher preached about this weekend. If you can’t answer those questions, give serious thought as to whether you didn’t pay close enough attention to what your pastor said. Or, maybe—just maybe—he or she did not even share with you the answer to these five questions in his or her sermon.

If the latter seems to be the case—and if your pastor is open to some help and you can offer that help without embarrassing him or her—suggest that he or she pay a visit to the “Sermon-Coach Podcast” available by clicking here. By listening to this Podcast, your pastor will find help to create effective, life-transforming sermons that answer those five questions.

Whether you share this tip with your pastor or not, please keep asking the five questions each week. And, more importantly, as the end of the week draws near, please take some time to pray for your pastor. Ask God to give your pastor liberty in preaching the truth that God has laid on your pastor’s heart. That, dear one, is one of the very best things you can do to help your pastor help you.

 

_{Copyright © 2026 by Dean K. Wilson. All Rights Reserved.}

_{More info at www.DeanKWilson.com}

 

Infinitely Valued

 

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.

—Hebrews 6:10

“Why should I continue to go out of my way doing kind deeds for others? Nobody recognizes the sacrifice involved on my part. They just take what I do for granted!” declares one very frustrated child of God.

Ever feel that way? Or, how about this?

“Week after week, I go to choir practice and show up on Sunday morning to sing. Why I haven’t missed a rehearsal or service in over five years. That’s like 520 times I’ve arrived on time and ready to serve. I doubt if anyone would even miss me if I was gone.”

Or, perhaps you feel like this person:

“I guess I’m foolish to continue giving money the way I do. Because the business has done well, others ask for help as though I owed it to them. Why, if I added up all I’ve given as a Christian during my lifetime, the total would stagger people. No, on second thought, it probably wouldn’t mean a thing to anybody, except me!”

Do any of these heart-cries resonate with you? Or perhaps, you have a situation where you’ve given service that is quite different than the ones used above as examples in this blog post, but that situation evokes a heartbreaking sob within the depths of your being.

“Some of the best years of my life I gave to those people. But now that I’m older, they act as though I never existed. When I was younger, I think we respected age more than they do now-a-days. I guess I feel as though the contribution I made in my time should entitle me to at least a sense of dignity during these, my closing years.”

Or, if you’ve ever volunteered in Christian Education, maybe you will identify with this person’s lament:

“Because I do a good job teaching Sunday School, people just assume it comes easy for me. I wonder if they realize how many Saturday nights I’ve stayed up making sure my words would be clearly understood the next morning, or the numerous times my family has not gone somewhere on Saturdays to protect my lesson preparation, or the hours I’ve invested in prayer? But lately, I have a feeling the class is getting a lot more from me than I am from them, and their response makes me wonder if it’s really worth all the effort I put into it!”

Do you identify at all with the kind of things these dear folks are saying? Having invested a great deal in ministry of one kind or another, you’re now wondering if anyone even notices what you do. Please allow meto offer an illustration:

Many years ago, in October of 1978, when I lived in a suburb of Hartford, Connecticut, I attended a banquet sponsored by the local Christian radio station, where I worked as the Saturday morning on-air host. The speaker for that event was Rev. Dr. David R. Mains, the host of a daily radio broadcast, The Chapel of the Air. That evening, Dr. Mains preached a sermon based on the passage of Scripture you will find at the beginning of this blog post. He gave example after example of occasions when God reminded His people that He remained fully aware of all they did on His behalf.

I came away from that night greatly encouraged. I also came away from that night with the beginnings of a new friendship that, I am grateful to say, has continued over these intervening 48 years. In fact, for the three years prior to that night, I had faithfully prayed, asking God to please bring someone into my life who could serve as a trusted spiritual mentor for me. I had met many prominent Christian leaders through my work with various Evangelical organizations, and especially through my work in radio broadcasting. But, I often found these individuals to have so many obvious flaws that I did not feel they could help me in my own spiritual formation.

That night in October of 1978, God answered my prayers. The more that I got to know Dr. Mains in subsequent months, the more I realized that he was a genuine individual who was totally sold out to God. Yes, like all humans, he was not perfect. But, his flaws were quite minor compared to my own, and compared with those of most religious leaders I had met. The genuineness of Dr. Mains commitment to Christ and His Kingdom was inspiring. Plus, Dr. Mains seemed willing to invest in me in a way that others had not been willing.

Over the intervening 48 years, I have learned much from Dr. Mains. Fifteen years ago, in my retirement from a full-time career, Dr. Mains welcomed me to become a part of his ministry, where I continue to serve today. The genuiness that I detected 48 years ago has only strengthened, as I have observed Dr. Mains face many life challenges over the years. But, the first lesson I learned from him on that chilly October night in 1978 has remained as one of the most profound and life-enhancing truths.

During his sermon that long-ago night, Dr. Mains told this short story as an illustration for his sermon. This illustration certainly mirrored my own experience. These are Dr. Mains’ words:

Twice now, I’ve read through J.R.R. Tolkien’s massive three-volume set, The Lord of the Rings. And, each time I’ve made it all right through the thousand-plus pages of excitement and adventure as little Frodo Baggins and his company perform superhuman exploits while saving Middle Earth from the dark cloud of the evil Lord Sauron. But, when Frodo returns home to the simple shire from which he came, and none of his fellow Hobbits appreciate, or are even aware of, his heroics, I have to confess, both times, tears came to my eyes as I tried to read.

“Frodo dropped quietly out of all the doings of the Shire, and Sam Gamgee was pained to notice how little honor his master had in his own country. Few people knew or wanted to know about his deeds and adventures,” writes Tolkien.

And, in those words, I’m afraid the author describes the experience of too many faithful, but unsung, Christian warriors.

So, dear friend, if you, like me, can identify with those who feel that no one even notices what they do for Christ and His Kingdom, I encourage you to join me in memorizing Hebrews 6:10:

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.

By memorizing this verse, we will plant a seed in our minds and hearts that God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, can bring to our awareness whenever we’re tempted to feel unappreciated.

If I re-state in my own words what the writer of Hebrews has penned, it comes out like this: “Be reminded that God is aware of all your efforts on His behalf.” I hope those words will encourage you today, as much as they have encouraged me over the last 48 years.

 

_{Copyright © 2026 by Dean K. Wilson. All Rights Reserved.}

_{More info at www.DeanKWilson.com}

 

What's Inside?

 

Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness—the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.

—Colossians 1:24-29

I hear lots of talk about “hope” these days. I imagine that’s because it seems as if we live in somewhat hopeless times. Quite often, hope seems very elusive. It’s almost as if hope has become a great mystery.

In the Scripture passage at the beginning of this blog post, the Apostle Paul talks about “the glorious riches of this mystery.” I’ve noticed that Paul writes a lot about “mystery” in his letters to the fledgling churches of the first century A.D. In fact, one electronic search through the text of the New Testament discloses no less than 15 references to the word “mystery” in Paul’s letters.

Notice, in the passage above, that the Apostle makes a clear explanation of the particular “mystery” he writes about to the church at Colosse. He describes the mystery as “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” In other words, our hope of spending eternity with God rests on the Presence of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, dwelling within us by the power of the Holy Spirit. That means the source of our hope, which seems like a great mystery, really isn’t so mysterious after all.

 

_{Copyright © 2026 by Dean K. Wilson. All Rights Reserved.}

_{More info at www.DeanKWilson.com}

 

Comforting, as God Comforts Us

 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

—2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Unless you are quite unusual, you’ve known some trouble in your life. Maybe you have suffered through the death of a spouse, or a child, or some other loved one. Maybe you have experienced a debilitating disease. Maybe your life’s partner has abandoned you for someone else. Maybe people you counted on and thought were your friends have turned their backs on you. Maybe you have seen your career tumble into shambles because someone at work decided to treat you unfairly. Maybe you have watched your financial security evaporate in a falling stock market, or a bad investment scheme of some kind. Maybe you’ve allowed some pattern of addiction to take you down.

I just don’t know what you have experienced in your life. But, I know this for sure: we’ve all had afflictions in our lives and we’ve had trials in our lives. For what purpose does God allow troubles to come into our lives? Have we ever considered that He may allow these trials in order to teach us that we can rely on His grace to see us through? Even more startling, have we considered that God may allow difficulties in our lives so that we can receive His comfort and, thus, learn how to extend His comfort to others?

In the Scripture passage at the beginning of this blog post, it seems as if the Apostle Paul shares this very concept with the Christians at Corinth. He writes,

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

Imagine that! When God comforts us in our trouble, He also teaches us how to extend His comfort to the people who cross the pathway of our lives and who need His comfort, too. This puts all kinds of difficulties into an entirely different perspective.

No one wants to have troubles assail his or her life. But, to experience the comfort from God, and to learn how to pass that comfort on to others, seems like something we should consider the next time we find some troubles busting into our lives.

 

_{Copyright © 2026 by Dean K. Wilson. All Rights Reserved.}

_{More info at www.DeanKWilson.com}

 

Reconcile with Your Enemies

 

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.”

—Matthew 5:21-26

“How does a believer handle a situation where he or she has become an adversary of another brother or sister in Christ?”

Mostly we ignore this question. It’s just too painful, or too embarrassing, or too annoying. And, most of us think this question doesn’t really apply to us.

But, hold on for a moment. Think about the span of your own life. How many enemies do you have?

“Now wait just a minute,” you may respond. “I don’t have any enemies! I get along with everybody!”

If you really believe that, you’re just kidding yourself. Everybody has enemies.

Oh, I will grant you that you may not choose to use a term as harsh as the word “enemy.” But, over the course of your life as a Christian, you have certainly had run-ins with particular other Christians. You may describe your relationship with them in terms like:

“I don’t really get along with ______________.”

Or, you may say:

“____________ does things I don’t particularly like, so I avoid (him or her).”

No matter how genteel your language, let’s face it, you have enemies. And, if you don’t acknowledge that you have enemies, I imagine that out there in the Christian world there exists at least one person who thinks of you as his or her enemy.

Now, I grant you that you may have taken a tact similar to the one I have held to tightly for many years. I assert, with some precision, that I have never chosen to make someone my enemy. In other words, I consciously choose to not hold enmity in my heart toward someone. I refuse to allow myselt to “hate” someone. I do so because I learned long ago that if I hold hatred in my heart toward someone, the only person who becomes damaged by that hatred is me.

However, I acknowledge that there are numerous people who have crossed the pathway of my life who—judged by the way that they talk about me to others, or treat me directly or indirectly—have apparently chosen to label me as their enemy. It was their choice, not mine. They have chosen to make me their enemy.

So, I declare again, no matter how genteel the language you may use when you talk about other people in your life, let’s face it, you have enemies—whether you have chosen to make them your enemies or not. And, if you don’t acknowledge that you have enemies, I imagine that out there in the Christian world there exists some people who think of you as their enemy.

No longer can the body of believers—the church—ignore the fact that virtually every person who claims to belong to Jesus has at least one person that he or she can label as an “enemy.” Instead, it’s time to choose to become obedient to what Jesus has instructed His followers to do when they find themselves at odds with fellow Christians.

In the Scripture passage at the beginning of this blog post, Jesus tells His disciples—in those marvelous three chapters that Bible scholars call “The Sermon on the Mount”—to always work toward reconciliation. Let me state that again, so you have no chance of misunderstanding my point: Jesus expects His followers to always work toward reconciliation. Please allow me to illustrate from a personal example:

Back in 2011, I sat on the sidelines watching the church I had attended for ten years destroy itself. I won’t presume to waste your time with a long recitation of what took place because I know that somewhere, in the sphere of your own world at one time or another, you are quite likely having—or have had—to deal with a similar, if not exact, issue in your life. Let me simply say that the seeds of a significant church split were planted, watered, and bloomed into a horrific disaster. The lives of hundreds of individuals were significantly damaged, especially the lives of the young people in the church. Only one process could have turned the tide: complete and absolute obedience to the instruction of Jesus to reconcile.

Now, most naturally, I have my own very strong opinion on what had brought about the conditions that led to this disaster. And, I take no comfort in the fact that, repeatedly over the three years prior to the split, I issued warnings of what would happen if no one took early and decisive action. Nevertheless, the solution for that situation, and for all similar disagreements within a church, remains: obedient reconciliation.

To effect reconciliation, both parties would have to have come humbly to the foot of the cross and lay every issue at Jesus’ feet. Individuals would have to have acknowledged and confessed their sins, asked for forgiveness, repented of their sins, provided restitution, and began the process of reconciliation.

While this did not happen in this particular case, I wonder if this will happen when other such situations arise? Frankly, I don’t know. Looking at the track record across the horizon of God’s people in most churches today, I would say that the chance for reconciliation seems slim. Fortunately, God remains the “God of the Great Surprise.” He has the power, through the intervention of the Holy Spirit, to bring about reconciliation. He, and He alone, can melt hardened hearts. He alone can convict of sin and promote forgiveness. He alone can move those who have sinned to make restitution. He alone can bring about reconciliation.

A very significant reason for church discipline is to promote reconciliation. That’s right. Church and denominational judicial processes do not exist to punish. To the contrary, they exist to bring parties together, expose all the hidden facts in a situation, help identify where some may have committed sins, and provide a structured forum for confession, forgiveness, repentance, restitution, and reconciliation. In the situation at that church where I attended, a judicial process began to move toward that end, but the leadership of the denomination ultimately did not have the courage and fortitude to see the process through to its proper conclusion.

Truthfully, it remains far better to head off such sinful disagreements by following the process that Jesus outlines in Matthew 18:15-17. Over the years that I have posted on this blog, I have written about these verses many times. In those blog posts, I have shared, in great detail, the importance of this far-too-often-neglected portion of Jesus’s teaching.

So, what about you? Do you have someone in your life with whom you need to begin the process of reconciliation? If so, please, do so. You will reap tremendous benefit in your own spiritual life if you do. And, most importantly, God will make it clear to you how very pleased He is with what you have chosen to do.

Just one more time, here’s the key sentence for this blog post: Jesus expects His followers to always work toward reconciliation.

 

_{Copyright © 2026 by Dean K. Wilson. All Rights Reserved.}

_{More info at www.DeanKWilson.com}

 

The Power of Hope

 

His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

—Psalm 147:10-11

In the midst of chaos on every side, one quality helps keep people on track. That quality? Hope!

If you peruse the pages of various professional journals devoted to Applied Psychology, you will find that, over the past three decades, a new interest has arisen in what creates and sustains motivation. Quite a large number of studies have sought to ascertain the elements that will help individuals become motivated to complete defined tasks. The studies also examined the elements that will help sustain the motivation, so that people will actually succeed. In virtually every study the quality of “hope” has emerged as one of the most important sustainers of motivation.

Think about the last time you started a project around your home or place of work. Maybe the task was one you had put off for some time. You dreaded even beginning this loathesome pursuit. But, you knew that you eventually had to complete the job. So, you decided: “Why put it off any longer?”

With no small amount of determination, you began the task. As you had suspected—based on your past experience with such matters—once begun, the task grew harder than you had wished. Soon, you felt mired in the work. You felt surrounded by nearly insurmountable barriers. You questioned your wisdom at ever having started. You wanted to quit. But, something grabbed you and kept you striving to complete the job at hand. Perhaps that “something” that helped you sustain your motivation was “hope.”

Hope is often the light at the end of the tunnel that we can almost see. Hope is the recognition that we are making progress toward the goal of completing the job. Hope allows us to look backward for a moment and see how much progress we’ve made. Hope gives us the nudge of knowing that, if we stop, to get going again will take far more energy than the effort needed to complete the task, now.

Every day, in many ways, job after job, task after task, hope gently nudges us forward. Hope helps us sustain the motivation we need to do what has to be done. Yet, the question remains: “In what do you put your hope?”

For those who belong to God—that is, for believers in God through the resurrection power of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ—the Psalmist has given us a very clear statement of the source of our hope. In the Scripture passage at the beginning of this blog post, the ancient songwriter insists that:

“the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.”

How wise, indeed. God’s love never fails.

All throughout Scripture, we read about the depth of God’s love for us. The most magnificent example of His love comes from His willingness to send His one and only Son to die on the cross of Calvary to pay the penalty for our sins. And, to raise Jesus from the dead that we may know we will spend eternity with Him.

God has clearly proven His love for us. He stands ready every moment of every day to have us put the entirety of our faith, trust, and hope in His unfailing, undying, matchless, magnificent, protective, and enduring love. So, when we need hope to sustain our motivation, look to God’s love. He will, most assuredly, not disappoint us.

 

_{Copyright © 2026 by Dean K. Wilson. All Rights Reserved.}

_{More info at www.DeanKWilson.com}

 

Church Conflicts

 

An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.

—Proverbs 18:19

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

—Colossians 3:12-17

Somewhere in the United States, right now, a church stands poised for a split. “Division! Separation! Divorce!” Whatever word the parties involved may choose to use, it means that brothers and sisters in Christ—who, heretofore, have worshipped together and served the Kingdom of God standing side-by-side—have reached the point in a conflict where they have decided to part company.

People in the church have chosen sides. Claims and counter-claims have circulated openly in some cases, or under a shroud of secrecy in others. Some people feel they have a complete understanding of the issues involved. Many others find themselves caught in the crossfire of competing factions. Everyone is hurting. Worship has become tainted by sorrow. Joy has left the building. Only one is happy. That’s because Satan delights when brothers and sisters attack each other and divide the church.

A skillful analysis of both sides of any church conflict often discloses a confused morass of miscommunication, misunderstanding, distrust, conflict of wills, outright lies, disingenuous behavior, and, occasionally, genuine disagreement. But, most of the time, conflicts within a church begin with the unrecognized and un-confessed sin of one individual that snowballs until it draws more and more people into a growing, tangled mass hurtling down the hill, stopping only when it hits some immoveable object and bursts apart.

You see, it may take many years to build an effective ministry in a church and only a few months to destroy the effectiveness of that ministry. So, what should you do if you find yourself caught in the middle of a church conflict? Maybe you serve on the church governing board. Or, perhaps you have a role of leadership because of your long history of faithful service. Or, you could be one who, standing a bit aside, watches the church you love disintegrate before your eyes. Whatever your particular status, please let me offer a few suggestions:

1. Understand that virtually every church conflict begins with a single individual. You should make a concerted effort to determine the identity of that one person who began the conflict. Understanding who started the conflict will help you sort out the facts of the case.
   
   Look for the one who initiated the bringing of the first charges against another brother or sister in Christ. Because, no matter what “bad” behavior someone may have exhibited toward another, Scripture requires the offended party to follow Jesus’ instruction in Matthew 18:15-17.
   
   No one may bring open charges against another person until he or she has followed the first two steps of Matthew 18:15-17. Failure to follow this instruction of the Lord Jesus Christ completely invalidates any open charges.
   
   So, if you’re in the audience hearing the charges, stop and ask whether the one bringing the charges has followed Matthew 18:15-17. If the one bringing the charges has not followed the first two steps, refuse to listen to the charges. Rather, instruct the one bringing the charges to follow Matthew 18:15-17 and take no further action until he or she follows those steps.
   
   
2. Next, set aside all of your emotion before you pass any judgment on the seriousness and legitimacy of the charges. This may seem hard to do, but in order to resolve any conflict, you must put aside your emotion and deal only with the facts. It doesn’t matter whether you prefer one of the parties over the other. It doesn't matter if you think one party has positional authority over another. In the Kingdom of God, each person has equal standing before our Father. Don’t allow yourself to become swayed by emotional ties to one person or another. Only the facts matter.

   Now, it is true that all decisions depend on the facts and our feelings about those facts. But, notice that it is our feelings about the facts, not our feelings about the situation, nor our feelings about the parties involved. Don’t confuse which kind of feelings may legitimately weigh in on your decision.
   
   

3. Don’t make a decision based on what anyone tells you, no matter who he or she is, nor how trustworthy you may feel that one to be. Insist that the person bringing accusations present you with concrete, factual evidence of the charges. Anything apart from audio recording, video recording, actual first-hand documentation, or the testimony of two or three witnesses constitutes hearsay.
   
   Keep in mind that in order to consider the statements of others, two or three actual, direct witnesses must come forward. And, you must examine each witness individually to verify the veracity of what he or she says.
   
   Always search for the context. Make certain that neither side of a conflict has begun to bend the facts to fit their preconceived notions. Make certain that you place every statement in the full context of the actual event.
   
   I cannot overemphasize that in all matters relating to the peace, unity, and purity of the body of Christ—the church—you must be scrupulously careful to take no action until you have done everything possible to ascertain all of the facts.
   
   
4. You absolutely must directly and carefully interview the person, or persons, against whom the charges have been levied. Examine carefully his, her, or their recitation of the facts surrounding the accusations.
   
   Set aside any preference you may have for either of the parties in the matter. This means you must not consider either the position in the church of the parties, nor their personalities, nor any other aspect of the parties that may tend to influence your decision. Remember, you must intentionally purpose to deal only with facts.
   
   
5. Once you examine and verify every possible fact, take a few days—even a week or more—to weigh the matter before taking any action. Time brings greater clarity and perspective. Make certain you do not rush to judgment. Bathe the matter in earnest and fervent prayer. Study God’s Word for any insight the Scriptures may offer on the matter. Give full and careful consideration to how your decision will impact the entire body of believers.
   
   Be very careful if either party has issued an ultimatum. Ultimatums ususally indicate a weakness in the facts surrounding the cause of action. Don’t allow yourself to become bullied into a decision because one of the parties has threatened some dire outcome.
   
   When you think you have prayed enough about the matter, pray some more. Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to your inner being. Let His guidance direct your decision based on the facts, and only the facts.

Now these few steps may seem onerous to you. But, if you fail to follow them you will become part of the problem, not part of the solution. Virtually every church split could have been avoided if people had taken the time to follow these simple, straightforward steps.

When you take these steps, you will often find that factors tend to emerge that will help you assure that the process proceeds with extreme fairness to everyone involved. For example, you may discover that some long-held grudge has motivated someone, or some group, to work behind the scenes to create a situation that will boil up into a conflict.

Many individuals have become quite expert at the tactic that noted psychiatrist, Dr. Eric Berne, called “Let’s you and him fight.” In other words, some people become adept at attacking another targeted individual by getting someone else to engage in a conflict with the intended target. Watch out for this. If you examine the facts carefully, you will often find this tactic at work in the church.

Also, watch out for long-term hurts and grudges that underlie attacks on others. Some people—especially arrogant, pompous, and insecure individuals—tend to hold grudges for years! Many times they will follow the old adage from the 1841 French novel Mathilde, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.” Such people will wait a long, long time and then try to bring down a person against whom they have a grudge, while all the while giving every appearance of harmonious behavior.

Ultimately, all conflict is a result of sin. Do your best not to become drawn into such sin. Follow the advice of the Apostle Paul in Galatians 6:1-2:

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Take heed of the two Scripture passages at the beginning of this blog post. They offer sage advice and describe a spirit of gentleness, tenderness, and grace that must prevail whenever you deal with conflict.

In fact, keep an eye out for grace. Has the one who brought the charges exhibited God’s grace in the way he or she has handled the matter? An absence of grace can serve to indicate a lack of validity for the charges that one has brought against another. For even in accusing another of unrepentent sin, the accuser must bring the accusation tempered by grace.

Whatever you do, please keep in mind that Satan delights when brothers and sisters attack each other and divide the church. Let me state that again: Satan delights when brothers and sisters attack each other and divide the church.

 

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