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| “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” |
| —Psalm 139:23-24 |
“We are all jerks!” the chief said.
At 2:30 in the morning, we had rolled on a Box Alarm from what was dispatched as Box 22. This could be serious. Box 22 was the five-story women’s dormitory of brick joist construction. It was one of the oldest buildings on campus and one on which we had repeatedly drilled because it’s lowest level contained a high pressure steam boiler used to provide steam for the college’s milk pasteurizing plant. The lowest level also contained the main kitchen for the college dining hall.
At the time, I served as captain on Engine 29. We had a very well-drilled standard operating procedure. Our role was to stop at the southeast corner of the building and stretch two supply lines and connect our Engine to a hydrant located just beyond the northeast corner of the building. Engine 27 would stop at the southeast corner of the building, connect our supply lines to its pump, and stretch two 2 1/2-inch attack lines and two 1 1/2-inch attack lines to the building. Aerial Platform Truck 1 would position at the east side of the building and extend the aerial platform to the fifth floor window and install an escape chute to allow women on the upper floor to escape, if necessary.
I had inadvertently bumped the volume control on my radio, effectively muting the audio. Thus, I did not hear the frantic call from the chief telling me to not lay the supply lines—some 400 ft of 2 1/2-inch hose lines. You see, the dispatcher had misread the punched paper tape that recorded the incoming Box number. A piece of paper had slid onto the tray beneath the tape. Actually Box 23, not Box 22, had transmitted. In fact, this was the Box for the other women’s dormitory. One of the residents had lost her balance in the hallway, started to fall, grabbed for something to catch her balance, and accidentally pulled the interior manual fire alarm box, which actuated the Master Fire Alarm Box and transmitted the Box 23 signal to dispatch.
So, we stretched all that hose unnecessarily. To say the least, I was embarrassed beyond description. As soon as the chief caught up with me, I apologized and described myself as a “jerk” for bumping the volume control on my radio to the off position. That’s when the chief responded, “We’re all jerks!”
Every one of us does things, says things, and thinks things that are “jerky.” We all have behaviors and thoughts that we shouldn’t do or have. I truly believe that is what motivated the Psalmist to write these words, found in Psalm 139:23-24:
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
As we begin a new day, let’s make this verse our prayer. By asking God to search us and know our hearts, He can help us find the peace we need to follow the pathway He lays out before us.
But, what about the end of the day?
A very dear Roman Catholic friend of mine, who has followed in the footsteps of Jesus for many years, recently shared with me a wonderful prayer technique for the end of each day called the “Daily Examen.” Quoting from https://www.ignatianspirituality.com/ignatian-prayer/the-examen/how-can-i-pray:
How Can I Pray?
A great way to pray is to look for God’s presence in your life. More than 400 years ago St. Ignatius Loyola encouraged prayer-filled mindfulness by proposing what has been called the Daily Examen. The Examen is a technique of prayerful reflection on the events of the day in order to detect God’s presence and to discern his direction for us. Try this version of St. Ignatius’s prayer.
- Become aware of God’s presence. Look back on the events of the day in the company of the Holy Spirit. The day may seem confusing to you—a blur, a jumble, a muddle. Ask God to bring clarity and understanding.
- Review the day with gratitude. Gratitude is the foundation of our relationship with God. Walk through your day in the presence of God and note its joys and delights. Focus on the day’s gifts. Look at the work you did, the people you interacted with. What did you receive from these people? What did you give them? Pay attention to small things—the food you ate, the sights you saw, and other seemingly small pleasures. God is in the details.
- Pay attention to your emotions. One of St. Ignatius’s great insights was that we detect the presence of the Spirit of God in the movements of our emotions. Reflect on the feelings you experienced during the day. Boredom? Elation? Resentment? Compassion? Anger? Confidence? What is God saying through these feelings?
God will most likely show you some ways that you fell short. Make note of these sins and faults. But look deeply for other implications. Does a feeling of frustration perhaps mean that God wants you consider a new direction in some area of your work? Are you concerned about a friend? Perhaps you should reach out to her in some way.- Choose one feature of the day and pray from it. Ask the Holy Spirit to direct you to something during the day that God thinks is particularly important. It may involve a feeling—positive or negative. It may be a significant encounter with another person or a vivid moment of pleasure or peace. Or it may be something that seems rather insignificant. Look at it. Pray about it. Allow the prayer to arise spontaneously from your heart—whether intercession, praise, repentance, or gratitude.
- Look toward tomorrow. Ask God to give you light for tomorrow’s challenges. Pay attention to the feelings that surface as you survey what’s coming up. Are you doubtful? Cheerful? Apprehensive? Full of delighted anticipation? Allow these feelings to turn into prayer. Seek God’s guidance. Ask him for help and understanding. Pray for hope.
St. Ignatius encouraged people to talk to Jesus like a friend. End the Daily Examen with a conversation with Jesus. Ask forgiveness for your sins. Ask for his protection and help. Ask for his wisdom about the questions you have and the problems you face. Do all this in the spirit of gratitude. Your life is a gift, and it is adorned with gifts from God. End the Daily Examen with the Our Father (the Lord’s Prayer).
What a blessedly wonderful way to end our day. So, let’s begin with the prayer from Psalm 139:23-24 and end our day with the Daily Examen. It doesn’t get any better than that. Okay?
