Handling Conflict Among Believers

 

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.”

—Matthew 18:15

As “Christ’s-ones” we do many things well and, to the extent that we bend our selfish human will to God’s will, we are ever learning to do things better. As the Holy Spirit opens up a straight path before us, we have the opportunity to obediently follow that pathway.

Sadly, one gigantic area of consistent failure is the way we handle conflict between believers and, especially, within the church.

Here’s a truly heartbreaking personal example:

In 2003, after I had become significantly disabled by profound progressive osteo-arthritis of the knees, hips, and back and could no longer travel to perform my work as a fire protection engineer, I began to volunteer at a large downtown church of which I was a member.

The pastor at that time specifically recruited me to help him improve staff morale—using some of my business process management and staff assessment/motivational skills—and to implement improved internal and external communications strategies throughout all the ministries of the church.

God richly blessed our efforts and we achieved many important goals. All too soon, this pastor moved on to another church. During a two-year time of transition, the remaining staff pulled together and the church continued to move forward.

When a new pastor arrived, in collusion with some individuals in leadership who had lamented their loss of power during the preceding six years, he immediately began to dismantle much of the positive processes and procedures we had so thoughtfully implemented. He quickly destroyed many things we had accomplished.

Within a few months he forced me out of my volunteer position. A month later, he forced out a highly skilled and profoundly qualified business administrator.

The pastor then began an absolutely horrible two-year assault on the minister of music and worship. Eventually the pastor manipulated the leaders and succeeded in firing this exceptionally talented, seminary-trained musician.

The music ministry had long been a hallmark of this church. Much of the public persona of the church involved the multi-generational and highly effective music program.

During this time, not one leader in the church recognized the inappropriate—even seemingly sociopathic—behavior of the pastor. Nor did they seek to resolve the conflict by following the teachings of Jesus.

Eventually, even the local denominational leadership capitulated and acted precipitously to validate the improper behavior of the pastor and church leaders. Surprisingly, in so doing, the denominational leaders also failed to act in accordance with Scripture.

So, where is this church today?

Following a heart-rending church split, the church is reported to be a shadow of its former greatness. The pastor who initiated the conflict has fled the scene. Attendance is significantly reduced, it wallows in financial trouble. And, none of the leaders have acknowledged their sin, repented, made restitution, and become reconciled—at least none of them have come to me to try to resolve matters with me. And, I’m quite certain they never will.

But far worse, and far more importantly, dozens of families who left the church at the time of the firing of the minister of music and worship, in the ensuing five years, have not reconnected with any church on a regular basis.

I relate this story solely because this experience has made me zealous about properly resolving conflict between believers and within in the church.

I do not hold a grudge. With extraordinary help from God, I have come to peace, within my own heart and mind, regarding the way I was treated.

However, I do feel deeply sorry for the minister of music and worship who lost his job at an age where he has been unable to find suitable full-time employment. Effectively, the sinful actions of this pastor and church leaders have destroyed this good man’s life.

While I have written about certain aspects of this subject several times over the years, I believe that from time to time we all need to review Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15-17:

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.

“But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

“If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

To many, these words at the end seem particularly harsh. But, I know for a certainty that when this process is followed, to the letter, harmony is restored.

So, let’s be certain we do our part to follow Jesus’ instructions for resolving conflict with our brothers and sisters in Christ—and especially within the church. It’s what Jesus expects us to do.

 

_{Copyright © 2016 by Dean K. Wilson. All Rights Reserved.}

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